Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
