just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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