Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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