i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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