Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
