dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
