No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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