Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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