Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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