Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
