already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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