I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize