U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
