she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize