Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
