I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
someone owes me an orgasm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize