Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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