Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
