i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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