so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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