just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
