4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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