Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
