Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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