let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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