The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
