Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
