Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
