He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
