1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
