You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
