saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
