I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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