i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
