I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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