dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
