I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
