Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
