I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
