I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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