see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
