Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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