you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
