Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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