Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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