those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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