so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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