True but thats because hes a fetus.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
