My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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