its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
