the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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