Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
