Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
