Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
