Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
