Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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