he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
