I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
