I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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