she was so not down for the gang bang
from now on my penis is your penis
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
