I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
