sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
