you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
