Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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