I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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