marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Someone shattered a urinal.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
