I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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