ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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