i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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